Saturday, March 20, 2010

Lonely in Momland

My life in Momland has gotten kind of lonely lately...I really feel like I don't have any friends. I'm kind of strange, yeah I'm a "Mom" but I don't fit in with the homemaking, scrapbooking, soccer Moms from the playgroups. I was a fag hag, I know more about which gay bar serves the strongest drinks than I do about which playground has the best slides. I don't really fit in with my old friends either, I no longer have the luxury, freedom, or desire to go out to bars 3 or 4 days a week, or the expendable income to go shopping, or out to restaurants like we used to. And those impromptu road trips where we'd decided to drive 4 hrs at 9pm on a Saturday, those are definitely out. I still love my gay male friends, and I know there are a few of them that would still do anything for me if I asked, I guess I just feel like I don't have anything in common with them anymore. Yet I lived in that scene for so long that I feel like I don't know how to act around straight people, especially women. I don't really care about hair and makeup, and being a plus sized gal I can't really go right out and buy the "latest" thing, and probably wouldn't waste the money on it even if I could.

So obviously I need to find "my people" now, because while I love my hubby I really do need some sort of other interaction with adults or I may go mad. I need to find some normal mothers, the ones who don't do their hair and makeup for a playdate, Moms who throw on a pair of lounge pants and a t-shirt, put their hair up in a pony tail and call it good. Moms who don't care about driving the newest and biggest SUV, or living in the largest and nicest house. Aren't there other Moms out there whose idea of "me time" is taking a bath and reading a good book? I don't cook gourmet meals, my apartment often looks like a tornado hit it, and while I sometimes like to get "a little crafty" I haven't had the time or space to do anything in over 2 years now. I don't want to hang out with Moms who are constantly critiquing everything I say so they can judge me because they apparently think I am judging them, or who are so crazy about their little snookums that they can't even get more than 2 inches from them. My God, you did have them cut the cord after birth right? I mean jeez, you might as well wrap them in bubble wrap.

Honestly, my perfect friends would be Mitchell and Cameron from Modern Family. I totally need to find some gay men with children.


  1. Wow, I totally know how you feel. These past three months home with my newborn have been the best but lonliest time of my life.

    The fact that I am in a new city with no real close friends around makes it 1,000 times harder. I have tried mommy groups only to be criticized for wanting to go back to work and putting my baby in daycare. I have zero desire to buy myself things, or want a "push gift" and that seems to be all they wanted to talk about.

    I am totally the sweatpants, plus sized mom who doesn't wear makeup or does her hair to run to the park, go to the grocery store, etc.

    I need a friendly adult who I can talk to, watch Grey's or other guilty pleasure tv on tivo while the babies nap or play, and just someone to hang out with. I miss that.

  2. OMG....this is so totally me! You sound just like I did yesterday when I was talking to my husband. And yes I love Cam and Mitchell!

    Now happily following you from FFF @ MBC!

  3. Following you from MBC. I am a bit of a loner too. I have about 2 close friends, many aquantices, I am also a chubby chic. At the same time I am nosy and will but into peoples conversations at a diner. I just reached 100 followers today thanks to you!!! look out cause I am going to do A GIVEAWAY REAL SOON

  4. Hi there - thank you so much for stopping by my blog. Being at home with a new baby is really, really hard, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Before I had my daughter I had always worked, for 22 years, traveling the world on business and for pleasure and answering to no one, with friends who lived the same kind of life. Then when I decided I could not return to work and leave my then 3 month old daughter all of a sudden I was a SAHM who knew no one. What it DID to is make me get out there and build a new social network, for my own sanity and also for the sake of my daughter as all children need to interact with other kids and other people. It took a long time, but now I have some nice Mom friends. I would recommend (if you have one) trying a Gymboree baby class, where you will meet lots of other new Moms. Our local library does a baby and Mommy story time each week and that is actually where I met some like minded Moms and the story time was really nice. Not every Mom you meet will be "your cup of tea" but unless you make the effort then you will not find the Moms who are (and this is coming from someone who historically would die rather than make the first move in forming a friendship!)

    If you want to talk you can contact me via my site any time - and thanks for the follow

  5. Thanks for posting this, I think a lot of moms feel alone and it's nice to know your "not alone!"
    Let me know if you ever need someone to talk to!
    My hubby & I live 11 hrs away from all friends and family and I have a 9 month old, so I know that lonely feeling.


    (p.s. thanks for visiting my site, I'm happy to have met you!)

  6. I ADORE Cam and Mitchell! I think you'll find that you're blog will help you find some REAL moms! At least I hope so! A girl can go crazy trying to be everything to everyone!